A coffee machine buzzed in the distance and a girl at a neighboring table giggled at something her companion described with animation. In a crowded bookstore, I sat alone, my hands clammy and my mind exhausted, but still somehow full of nervous energy.
This was it. Eleven perfectly packaged applications were making their way across cyberspace to law schools from Oregon to New York and everywhere in between.
“If You help me get into one of these schools, then I know I’m meant to go to law school,” I prayed almost with spite.
I’d read about how competitive law school admissions are and I knew I wasn’t a genius nor was my LSAT score very impressive; I was an ordinary applicant, so I was sure that meant the end of my legal career.
The first time I felt God calling me to go to law school, I pulled a Sarah (as in Abraham’s wife) and laughed. As if that wasn’t enough, I also put in a little bit of Moses, and I quote:
“O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither before nor since You have spoken to Your servant; but I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.” -Exodus 4:10
As children of the one true King, we are all called to a life of ministry – to live every day like Jesus did – serving, teaching, praying, healing, testifying and living by faith. For a long time, I wasn’t sure what that meant for me personally until the Lord began working on my heart, speaking the same message again and again over a span of two years:
“Open your mouth for the speechless, in the cause of all who are appointed to die. Open your mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy.” -Proverbs 31:8-9
Each time I’ve prayed about what God wants for my life, God has led me back to this commission – to speak on the behalf of those who can’t, help the poor and defend justice. Initially, I kept resisting – I had my own plans for my life – graduating from college, getting a good job and making my mark on the world.
Then, I was accepted into seven of the eleven schools. But, I still wasn’t sure – maybe it was a just pure luck.
A promise is a promise though, so I began earnestly seeking the will of God. I prayed, fasted, and lost myself in His word. My family and friends also prayed and indulged me in hours of debating pros/cons of law school.
The call grew stronger every day as I grew more terrified. I began to look for ways to get out of going to law school – I was sure I didn’t have what it takes to survive law school (haven’t you heard the horror stories or seen the drop out rates?) and the price tag attached was intimidating.
“The Lord God has given Me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him who is weary. He awakens me morning by morning. He awakens my ear to hear as the learned. The Lord God has opened My ear; and I was not rebellious, nor did I turn away.” -Isaiah 50:4
One day, this verse opened to me as I once again aimlessly turned the pages of my Bible looking for a sign of confirmation of my future. Each word chased out the doubts and in it’s place left a flicker of hope – maybe that initial whisper was right, maybe I am meant to go to law school. So, I made the necessary deposits and signed a lease for an apartment. Just a few weeks into this journey, I have felt the hand of God in my life every single moment of every day.
There are still a lot of things left unwritten, but I am learning to trust the Lord with these questions. He has provided for all my needs to this day – above and beyond anything I ever expected or prayed for. I have to trust that He has a plan that will come true.
Today, I urge you let go of society’s expectations and your own dreams for this life. Seek His face and His will for your life. Listen to the voice inside of you – through the words you read in the Bible, the sermons at church, your favorite hymn or silent moments in prayer. God is carefully constructing your life for such a time as this – for a unique purpose that is beyond anything our minds can imagine or plan.
He wants to use you – yes, you! With all your perceived flaws and weaknesses, because that is where God works best – in the broken places. For when we are weak, He is strong!
What is God calling you to do with your life?